Your dad touched me again.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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