We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
