Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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