If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
