I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
