Betty ford says i'm here all night
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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