birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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