just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I can't put those talents on a resume
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize