It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize