So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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