can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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