"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
