What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
