I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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