Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
