That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
organizing the empties. That sober.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
