you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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