is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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