I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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