I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
