I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
