I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Sorry my hands just texted you
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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