sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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