im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
