Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
