If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize