Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
nutella sex= disaster
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
