one word: firstdatebathroomanal
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
