Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
