Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
