sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
