What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize