White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
