So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
