Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
