He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
