I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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