Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
