Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
