I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
