why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
