she looked like the bat from fern gully.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
