Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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