I want to make a zoo with you.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize