Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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