I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
