I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
