went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
