Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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