It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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