i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
how do flat chested girls get laid?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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