Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
