How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
