I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize