It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
