dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
