omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
