And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
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