i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
