Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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