I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
