I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize