The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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