my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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