Im at strip club and am horny
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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