I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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