i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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