chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize