whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
