Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
