my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm having to shit out rocks
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