Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
