i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
