the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
This show inspires me to have sex in space
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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