his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
