you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize