I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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