I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
