You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
