Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
