The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
