how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
