after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
