Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
