I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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