You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize