She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
