The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
