you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
