remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
